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Why Be a Foster CarerRobert
Robert has been a foster parent for 19 years and together with his wife they have fostered many boys and girls. "My wife actually decided to find out about fostering and I must admit I wasn"t sure whether I would enjoy it - looking back that"s really surprising because now I know just how rewarding it is."
"You do have to think carefully about fostering though because it"s a huge responsibility and it takes patience, but at the end of the day you"re nurturing and developing children who"ve had a hard time. It"s an experience that touches you and the people around you - you can"t foster in isolation." " We have a boy who is a long-term foster child and to see him grow and discover new things - ordinary things - is tremendous. We"ve also fostered a lot of older girls and prepared them for going it alone as adults and we have very good relationships with those foster children. They"ve stayed in touch and often pop in for a visit - I seem to spend a lot of my time helping them move house while my wife is often called up for a chat!" It is true that older children may not show their true feelings while they are staying with carers but the foster carers are often even more appreciated once the children have moved on. " I wouldn"t hesitate to recommend fostering - you don"t have to be wonderful, just a natural parent and maybe an optimist. One of our girls has four of her own children now and often asks my wife for advice - that"s what makes it worthwhile, to see those children go on into adult life and think I helped them become the people they are today."
Andrea Andrea is a part-time carer for disabled children and has been fostering for several years. Often known as ‘respite care’, part-time fostering is a lifeline of support for families with severely disabled children. To Andrea the motivation is clear, ‘I was brought up with a disabled niece and I’ve always understood the importance of help and support for the children and their families.’
‘It takes a lot of patience and understanding and you have to learn about different problems that the children may have. You also have to help them with dressing, learning, and coping with special equipment. But there is always help and a network of support from social workers and other carers.’
At first a lot of people don’t think how their family will react, as they also have to relate to the children you foster. ‘I must say that it’s very important to have the support of your family – including your extended family because we don’t let having foster children inhibit us, we take them everywhere. We’re lucky that everyone is right behind us and they really get a lot of enjoyment out of getting to know the different children we take care of.’
‘It’s also great getting to know the birth family – we get on very well with the mums and dads, and we become part of the family circle – we’re helping them, not replacing them, we provide extra support. Over the years we’ve come to socialise with the parents – one even calls me her sister!’
Sue and Steve Thirteen years ago we made the best decision of our lives. We had seen an advert in the local paper for a coffee morning giving information about providing short breaks/respite for young people with disabilities. We went along with an open mind. Our own family had grown up and flown the nest Steve had a job but I was lost, my life had no meaning, we had thoroughly enjoyed bringing our children up, we were very active parents getting involved in cubs and scouts and youth club and school and now it was gone.
Our youngest son is disabled he has
a profound hearing loss and poor speech and we appreciated how difficult
it could be for parents not having time to charge up their batteries,
and also for the siblings who perhaps don’t get as much attention
as they would otherwise have. That was the reason we chose to do
respite care. After we had completed our initial training and were
approved we had some disappointments with matching to children but
then at last we had our first child. What a joy! Our first young
man had a brain damage condition which occurred through lack of
oxygen at birth, his mobility was poor and he had severe learning
difficulties. We became good friends with his parents it couldn’t
have been better from a matching point of view, they being very
similar to us, not just in their jobs and home life but the way
we think and we have remained very good friends to this day. Yes
we have had many challenges over the years but that is how you grow.
It wasn’t long before we wanted more of the same and we were matched
with a young deaf girl who had good speech but her hearing loss
was becoming worse. After 5 years her mum became ill after having
a baby and had to be hospitalised and so it made sense that we fostered
both her and her brother until mum was able to have them home. That
decision changed our lives, when they went back home we were asked
to foster another girl and we have never looked back. At the moment
we have 4 teenage girls, 2 have been with us for 6 years and are
18 & 17, one is staying with us in adult services, the other is
about to move into a flat just around the corner from us, another
girl has been with us for 4 years and she is off to university in
October and the 4th girl has just had her 16th birthday and has
been with us (on & off) for 6 months but she will be staying with
us now until independence. So here we are again another family grown
and flying the nest, so what do we do now? Retire maybe (we are
nearly 60), not on your nelly!, more of the same please. I can’t
wait for the next set of challenges; we both have such a lot left
in us yet and I can’t imagine not doing this. |
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